My Love Letter To YOU

Lord O'Lord~! This is a letter to You...
Christmas is coming and I am eagerly waiting for the day
It reminds me of my new birth
10 years ago You appeared in my dream
I lost my earthly father but You told me it is ok for I have You, my Heavenly Father
You asked me to come to You but I refused
Even in the midst of struggling to find a path in my life
I did not realise that You have already been with me all these times
Yet You did not give up on me
You still love me as how You have loved me today, tomorrow and eternally
You taught me about life; about sorrows, about trials and tribulations
You instilled the interest about life in me
I was completely lost but I ought to know the answer
That is why I continually seek for it...
Year after year my questions increased, I could understand no more
What is happiness? What is life? What am I? I am just empty...
You arranged some people to reach out to me; You used them to tell me something
You brought me to You... even as far as a foreign country
I finally got to know You; And You taught me even more
I just wished I could have known You earlier
When I was down You lift me up
When I cried out to You, You said "I am always with you even until the end of age"
You told me I am never alone for You are with me 24-7
You taught me to do good; even to the people that are evil to me
You gave me wisdom and You answered my questions
You gave me peace, joy and freedom
You taught me to be humble and You gave me a softened heart
You told me how awesome I am regardless of my flaws
You gave me a vision and a reason for me to live and move on
You told me I have a place to stay at eternity; a wonderful place sitting right beside You
You taught me how to love; to love every creation of Yours, to love unconditionally and with all my heart
You blessed me with love; within my family, with the one, my friends, people around me, creatures around me, things around me...
And You are still guiding me on what I should do and how should I feel
To strike a balance in every aspects of my life
To be stronger and stronger; better and better in Your name
To be just like You, O'Lord~
I now know the answer; the answer is You
Christmas is a day of celebration for it is when we gained mercy and freedom
A day when You were borned, a day when I was reborned
But it is also a day I cry for You
For it reminds me of how You bore our sins upon the cross
How You bore my sins upon the cross
My sins...I am just unworthy...
But You said I am Your child; Your beloved, faithful child...and I deserve it
No! I say it is You who made me deserve it
O'Lord, thanks for everything You have done for me
I shall shine for You, honour You and bring glory to You
I LOVE YOU and I praise You forever and ever!
AMEN!!!

Evil Lies Within Ourselves

Dear readers, I have been scratching my head on how to write my heart out for this blog. Forgive me if it's not a good one. In another 1 month, I will be turning 1 year old in Christ. Time flies; within a year I noticed I have grown a lot in my spiritual walk as well as in my life itself. Thank God for always giving me wisdom. I believe starting off in a good church plays a major role in my growth. The good church I meant here is City Harvest Church Singapore. A lot of good values have been taught through sermons by renowned pastors from all over the world, constant follow up by cell group members and the effort being put by all parties to produce a "true" spiritual family; everyone has indeed done a great job thanks to the will of God whom has placed each of us with a different role. But despite all these positive things you can gain, there will be times whereby you will be negatively influenced because every church has its strength and weaknesses. Every church is ran by men and as long as there is men there will be no perfection because men is never perfect but only God is. However, most people do not understand and they will be easily blinded by evil which lies within themselves.

I shall begin talking about my church which is a very commercialised, huge, popular and rich one. Initially I used to think that a church needs not be so "exxagerative" and if the church is rich enough we should be focused on how to build the smaller churches instead. In fact, most churches of this kind have become a source of entertainment to many especially the youths. It is treated as a place to look for a boyfriend or girlfriend, a place for fun activities and a place to gossip. It is not surprising that you can hear plenty of gossips or rumours just within a cell group alone. Besides that, a lot of people treat it as a place to network and build their business. The bigger the church is, the more hierachical politics people will tend to engage in. Members trying to surpass each other to obtain a position in a ministry or trying to become a pastor. Similar to a workplace, there are full timers who complain about their wages and the unfair treatment they receive. Slowly, it has become a place to compete and to seek power, fame and money. Sadly, this leads to major dissapointment in a lot of people. I have met several backsliders and anti Christs whom have shared with me the reason why they left church and why they never believe in Christians respectively. Notice I just mentioned "they never believe in ChristIANS" and not CHRIST.

Then when I visited a small church not long ago, I realised there is a big difference between my church and that one. I would say the sermon was not very impactful. There was no atmosphere and the environment was rather dull. I saw plenty of the members were asleep and some were not paying attention. If that's the case, aren't them attending service just for the sake of attending? How about new visitors? Will this church lead them to Christ or create an interest for them to visit the church again? And is this church able to bring about growth in that particular person? I also started to realised that God has indeed blessed my church to have such growth and annointed pastors. Eventhough my church is big and rich, but it doesn't mean it has to stop there. God still needs to use us mightily to save more and more people. That was the moment when God gave me an inspiration to write about this in my blog. Hallelujah. Well, I have always told people that God works wonders in us in whichever ways. AMEN.

When I view it in a positive way, I saw there is actually a big room for improvement for that church and I truly salute a sister whom had transferred from a big church to this one as she sees the need to serve there and to develop the church. From there it will be able to reach out to more people. She is really a pure child of God!!! Our fire on God must keep on going eventhough there is no concert ambience or surround sound system like what we had in Singapore Expo. Like I said, every church has its strength and weaknesses and different churches use different approach. Some are focused on youths, some are focused on elderly, some on English and some on Chinese and other dialects. It doesn't matter which church you go, big or small but I would say you got to look for one that suits your characteristics and needs in order for you to grow spiritually. But sad to say once again, every church encounters the same problem which is men's attitude and behaviour itself. A lot of Christians are still living in their own world where there is pride, selfishness, greed and foolishness.

Regardless of all that, seeking God is something simple and pure. We are truly seeking and serving God Himself and not human. So why are we blinded by human's works? When a man fails you, you say Christians are hypocrites... and yes you just said it! It's ChristIANS and not Christ. We have to stand firm in our faith and believe in Christ! Do not put a blame on other human but it is the evil or temptation beneath us that make us backslide. To counter this problem, you got to defeat this evil in you. Pray for wisdom. When we learn, we absorb and gather the good knowledge. And if you are wise enough, you will gather the bad ones as well and make it good. I watched a sermon on tv before saying that God always uses somebody to give us something. Even it is of evil, God allows it to happen because He wants to build us in every aspect of our lives. If we are able to withstand the temptation and remain faithful, we are promised with the gateway to Heaven. Amen.

My Simple Testimony

This is just a short and casual blog. It's my personal testimony that I intend to share with my readers. Being home for more than a week has indeed accumulated great blessings from God. Here, I would just touch on my spiritual walk during my entire annual leave. As usual, I chatted with my Mum whenever we are together whether we are at home or shopping or dining out. One night she shared with me her experience engaging in charity works through a Buddhist Society. Even in a midst of serving the society, she got to know a new friend at an exhibition whom is a Christian. Thanks to God whom had answered my prayer and worked through that friend of hers, my Mum actually asked me to bring her to church! Praise The Lord! I arranged to visit a Chinese church with her on a Sunday but too bad, she did not really like their approach. But it is not the end of everything as I see salvation in her while I myself have gained a new revelation and inspiration to write my next blog. If you notice, God works wonders in you in whichever ways... (Well, I said "If you notice") Amen.

When I travelled to KL, I managed to attend an event called Yeah Show! It is preached by Pastor Enoch Lim, a very famous pastor from Hong Kong. It is an annual event and everything is based in Cantonese with testimonial sharing sessions by some Chinese artists. Pastor Lim's approach is truly impactful where he is able to lead thousands and thousands of people to Christ even just by this event alone. You must be wondering what kind of approach he is using. He acted as a stage comedian - giving humourous speech which reflect the problems we are facing at the current society and at the same time reflect how are we gonna be saved which is through Christ Jesus. Meaning to say, you would never feel bored listening to him but filled with laughter and yet causing us to think through what he said. Awesome right? Hallelujah! This round an artist from Hong Kong, Lee Ya Nan came to share her testimony. I was truly touched by what she said regarding her life as an artist having to lose peace, joy and herself in the entertainment industry. It reminds me of a Bible verse which I also shared before when I relate it to my own job. The bible says from Mark 8:36-37 "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?" I was filled with tears and emotions at that moment. It's a blessing to have attended this event as I foresee that Pastor Lim or I would say this sort of approach is able to lead my Mum and even my sister to salvation and stronger walk in Christ. It is indeed a new hope to many! Amen! Amen!

On Saturday I wanted to attend a church but things seem like not very positive. In the end, I decided to attend service in City Harvest KL instead of just shopping and wasting money. I did not have friends there, I have never been there and I have to worry about my transportation as in taking a taxi to and from. With all these concerns, I still feel like going there. At 4pm, the time to service was drawing near, while I was doing my shopping alone at Sunway Pyramid and searching for a Book of Prayer at MPH Bookstore, my friend called. He said he had arranged his friend to pick me up to church. I was really... "Wow!" In the end, I got transportation to and from the church without paying a single cent! Got to know some new friends there, impacted by the Word Of God for the day and got to know their planned surprise for City Harvest Singapore and Pastor Kong; have given me another new breakthrough! You can never imagine the things that I have been thinking and discussing with several people were actually discussed through that sermon. It is not the first time... but all the time that God has been answering to me. In fact it had also helped to calm myself down in terms of my concerned relationship that I just started. Praise The Lord!!!

Lastly, I just want to say that things happen when you least expected. Even when you are unsure, you just got to continue praying and talk to Jesus. I don't know when is the right timing, I don't know how is He gonna reach me but He will surely answer to me. I am firm because I know Christ is in me. Amen.

The Love For God

October seems like a busy month. I was not around Singapore most of the time. To date, I only manage to update one blog. But I can tell you that this is a challenging one. I've been thinking of how to write in order to convey my messages which at the same time not too lengthy. A lot of people also suggested me to add this add that... Phew!!! Tough! I decided to go with the flow and just write whatever I feel like it. Weeks ago, a godly man told me that a woman who loves Jesus more than loving him is the one for him. A lot of question marks bombarded my mind when I read that and it took me a while to digest what he said. I asked some people - men and women, believers and non believers, old Christians and new Christians. Different people happen to give me different point of view. Some say that's a pretty selfish statement. Some say they are not sure; it's a tough question. Some say yeah they love Jesus more than their current bfs or gfs while quoting me a few bible verses. And you know what, most people think that is quite impossible.

Initially I was still very confused. I started to doubt myself, I felt guilty as if I have sinned big time. I was thinking if one day Jesus ask me to let go of my family or the ones I love for Him... I will not! Like how Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son Isaac when God asked him to... I will not! Yet when I was attending church service on Sunday, I just teared uncontrollably... I was sad... I was truly troubled by what my friend said. I asked myself and I asked Jesus, have I not loved You enough? Have I not being faithful enough? Am I right? Or wrong? Everyone answers differently. Who is right? And who is wrong? I can't help it but to seek the answer. As men have different interpretations over certain things, I could only pray to Him... to enlighten me, to give me wisdom because eventhough information given by humans are worth to be learnt, they are knowledge worth to be gathered but true wisdom comes from God. AMEN.

Slowly, I realised it is actually something very simple. The love for Jesus is totally different from the love for my family. It is not comparable, not measurable. It is just...well, different! In the first place, when I came into this world from my mother's womb, it is already a gift from God. My parents raised me up and showered me with love and that is why God asks us to honour our father and mother which I definitely will even without Him asking. But God still reminds us all the time through His words because He does not only love me but He loves my parents as well. He loves everyone and His love is unconditional. Then I put it the other way round while I reflect the day when my earthly father passed away, can I stopped him from dying? Can I say NO to God? Can I blame God for bringing him away? No. Life goes on even after he is dead. In fact when I kept dwelling in the past made me feel sorrowful all the time. But it is only through God that makes me realised that there is something better awaiting me and feel joyful once again. I also thought that ain't my loved ones longing for this heavenly life at eternity as well? And I realised when I love Him above all else, I am loving my family and everything else more too! (Believe me because I am really experiencing this feeling.) Hallelujah!

As days passed while I continue seeking Him, I gained more and more revelations. When two persons are in love, they tend to act irrationally and emotionally which is unhealthy for the relationship. Yes even they are so in love but still end up breaking off due to arguments, jealousy, selfishness; the list goes on and on. I also reflect myself in my past relationships. Why did it not work out? And my current situation, how do I make it work out? If we put our focus in God, seeking Him above all else, we will know how to react wisely and it is only through that for a relationship to sustain. True love is still insufficient to have a lasting relationship. It comes with faith, patience, peace, grace, perseverance and wisdom to bind two persons together even they are far apart from each other. In fact, it is very important for a couple or husband and wife to walk hand in hand for Christ. When we serve Him wholeheartedly He will definitely let our relationship grow stronger and stronger and the love towards each other will also increase. Matthew 6:33 says Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously and He will give you everything you need. AMEN.

Just as I have so many doubts in my mind, God just kept pouring me with new insights. I just love Him more and more. I am sure He wants me to know the true message behind the statement. He is the only one who can pour upon me His unlimited healing power be it for my skin or my spine. It is the first time I ever felt such a speedy recovery for my spine injury. (Well I injured my spine for the 3rd time for those who don't know). On top of that, when I visited Christchurch not long after that, I was awed... it is truly amazing to see such wonderful landscapes and livings there. Mountains, snow, sea, dolphins, sheeps, etc. How creative our God is to put together all these wonderful things at different parts of the earth which at the same time are able to nurture more and more love from me to the world. So ask me again... how can I not love Jesus more than anything else? He is just so awesome! AMEN.

The Truth Is More Than Just A Surface

Everytime after I completed a blog I feel a sense of relief. Realising that my blogs actually receive quite a lot of support motivates me to write more and more better ones. Referring to my previous blog "How Does A Man Love?" (though quite a thoughtful one), I noticed that it somehow created a negative energy among my readers. As far as I never intend to drag people down, I know I have to adjust my style of writing again. Its very first objective is to bring about inspiration and positive outcome. Positive outcome as in positive thoughts that will lead to good deeds, enlightenment or breakthrough. And never underestimate how powerful a simple sharing can be. You never know whose life you are able to touch today! Never had I thought that my shoutout in Facebook actually influenced someone and leads her closer to God. Never had I thought that by just telling the crews that I am heading to cell group after my flight would actually hit someone's heart and made her admire what I do. Well, a number of friends have commented that they feel encouraged reading my posts! Praise The Lord! The way we talk and how we carry ourselves is very important because we carry the name of Jesus and shine for Him wherever we go, whatever we do. We are the so-called ambassadors for the Kingdom Of God. And tell you what, when I write, I think, I try to relate my personal experience and thoughts to the current world, I seek the power of Holy Spirit and I refer to the Bible! I AM SERIOUS! I am not an expertise nor am I a great author but I am always learning and improving because I find it interesting enough as a method to reach out to more people. To many believers what I do may mean nothing but to non believers it may be their very first encounter with God.

Wow! Guess I started off with a pretty strong paragraph huh? God is such a great God as He has always been giving me new ideas on what to write on my site. For the past few weeks several topics come across my mind but I try to fit all in one as I find them equally important. The day before I was still scratching my head on how to share my sorrow and bad things that have been happening to me these days. Honestly I just don't know how to start, how to continue and what title I should put. I ended up writing about this and once again I feel the oomph while I write! If this is God's will that I should continue to inspire people, I would just go for it. Recently many of my friends complain to me how their dreams have not been fulfilled eventhough they have prayed for quite some time. I absolutely understand their complaints and their desperate needs because I myself often complain and am desperate in achieving a lot of things too. But then again, God will never shortchange us, He will restore everything for us and bless us back a hundred folds! How many of us can truly understand this and end of the day how many of us can sustain? Despite our desire to settle down in a good marriage, to earn our first 1 million dollars, to buy a Ferragamo bag, to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, to get promoted in our career etc. we are so focused on our own world and personal needs; have we ever given a second thought to other people's needs as well?

When I watched a video featuring a group of kids from Uganda, they were so skinny, so weak they could only roll on the floor waiting for a little girl whom is younger than 10 to bring them water, to take care of them and bath them. They have no food and what kind of life do they have? What future awaits them? Their dream may only be as simple as having a bowl of porridge per day. And they may not even know how to pray! After watching the video, some say "There are so many poor people in the world, how many can we help?', some say "You can't even help yourself, how do you help them? So mind your own business!", and some say "The video is so sad" and then they forget about it the day after tomorrow. This shows how selfish we human beings are. Well, I am not asking you to donate all your belongings to them or be their lifelong saviour. But at least before you complain about anything or even when you are so happy that you already have everything, stop for a moment and think about them or other people whom are suffering, think about people in India, China, Africa, our own country! Ask yourself how you can give more to the society and is life just about chasing after your own dreams and neglecting everything else in the world?

Most of the time people look only at the surface of the things they see or encounter. While the world is so huge, while the sea is so deep, we tend to narrow ourselves in a box. More often than not, we crave for luxury and a good life; good life as in life with materials and money. But that is not what God created us for. If we understand the truth, we will be contented with what we have, we will seek His kingdom above all else, we will live life with love, we will feel pure joy in our hearts. If we understand the truth we will realise that life is much more than the surface and nothing can separate us from God. 1 Timothy 6:6-7 says "Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can't take anything with us when we leave it." Besides look at the issues we are facing everyday now. Poverty, hunger, war, famine,... it is continuous and uncountable. The only solution is the TRUTH. Hebrews 13:14 says "For this world is not our permanent home, we are looking forward to a home yet to come.". AMEN. There is something more beautiful awaiting us. Therefore, do not be blinded by the sorrow and trials we are encountering in our earthly lives.

Like I said, we live with love for the truth is love and life is love. We love not only ourselves but others as well. Our hearts are filled with love and we do all the good works that we are able to. If you can give a penny to a basker today, give! If you can share your testimony today, share! If you can motivate your friend today, go ahead! If you can do more, that's even better! 1 Timothy 1:5 says "The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, clear conscience and genuine faith". We live according to our purpose and calling then we colour it beautifully and along the way we give what we can to colour people's lives too...that's what God wants us to do. Of course I do not consider myself as a very great servant of God nor could I ever consider my deed as something sacrificial as I am not even worthy to be compared with any of my brothers and sisters. Yet, I am so confident and I believe I could somehow make a difference in people's lives!!! I don't know when, I don't know how but the day will come...YES IT IS COMING!!! Let's lift up our hearts and hands together to do something for the society!!! Before I end my blog, I would love to share this verse "1 Peter 4:11 Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ." AMEN.

P/S: Please click on this link to view the video I mentioned earlier: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saokTRIg0qA

How Does A Man Love?

This is some sort of a personal question that has been bothering me recently. I believe most people don't know the answer be it women or even men themselves. And I am asking this on behalf of all women in the world. Perhaps this is also your question to your crush, boyfriend or husband since day one. Women are born to be affectionate and emotional beings. We do things according to our hearts and we love someone with our hearts. We are willing to do a lot of things for the man we love. For instance, wash his clothes, send him to work, sew him a sweater, buy him gifts, sms him all the time, think of him wherever we go, whatever we do, you name it! And sometimes we do it openly sometimes discreetly. Our objective is just very simple - that is to shower our love upon him. Isn't that something very straight forward and pure love? So the question again is... How does a man love? Through his heart or his brain?

A man, sometimes he sweet talk with you, sometimes he hugs you and he seems like wanting to know you better but does that really mean he is fond of you? He seems appreciate the things you have done for him but on the other hand he never takes a single move to keep in touch with you or care for you especially when you are not around him... or worse is when you are far apart from him. I wonder if he is really not interested or is he acting not according to his heart or will but according to his rationality. Everything they do, they judge the consequences, the pros and cons and much more other factors. First of all, God created Adam and then Eve to become Adam's partner @ helper. Is it because Eve has sinned first by eating the apple that is why women have to bear all the emotional sufferings? But when I think at a different angle, is Eve created as a creature whom is much more complicated than Adam? A creature with deep emotions and soft heart? This also explains why she is easily influenced by Satan...

Worse thing is by just a small little move which man considers as nothing would make our minds cramp up. I mean a small move as in when he sweet talks or act slightly more affectionate to you. It creates a lot of imagination in our minds like... "Is he interested in me?", "Oh God I'm so happy that he actually likes me too!" etc. Somehow this gives us hope. On the contrary, when a man doesn't care much about you or did not even send u a single sms, the negative imaginations start to give us scratches in the heart. We would think "So he is actually not interested in me", "Why is he acting so differently from the other day?", "Is he interested or is he just too busy to say Hi to me?" And this crashes our hope. What a torture?!!! It's an up and down emotion and it is definitely not an easy feeling to bear. I doubt if men can act more responsibly when it comes to relationship? What are they thinking??? Oh... give us a break!

For our part, I couldn't say that it is an unconditional love because while we are willing to sacrifice for our loved ones, we do expect or at least HOPE to get back something in return. But all we ask is just a response. Whether it is good or bad, we need an answer that can reduce our sufferings. Perhaps we are being impatient or are men being too patient? I believe God created men and women to live harmoniously together. So it is about give and take and please just be fair. Anyway, with God who loves us unconditionally, I believe He will lead us to the answer... O Lord I pray for your support and with You, we will stand strong! AMEN.

Building A Strong Character

One week has passed so fast like a blink of the eyes. I have so many things to share that I don't know where to start. Things just keep on spinning in my mind for the past few weeks. First let's talk about God's blessing upon me. Eversince I was borned... I have already been so blessed. Borned in an average family with a responsible dad, caring mum, loving sisters... I grew up in a healthy environment with proper parental skills. I've got proper and complete education, I've got a bunch of friends who love me dearly, I'm always prospered with money. Since young there's always inflow of money for me to save. My monthly allowance, my bonus for doing well in exams etc. I got to buy a lot of "rubbish" that I like from the money that I saved. I got scholarship and study loan during my high school and university. I got to make my own money through various part time I worked. As I graduated, I got a well paid and interesting job and now I have a well paid and interesting job too. Wow! Thinking back how could I ever complain about my life? I don't have the rights to complain at all. I'm so blessed right??!!! Praise The Lord!

Money just keep flowing in but because of my "big spender" attitude the money keep flowing back out too. I remembered I used to be an opportunist. Back in university, I often looked out for new opportunities to make money. It was mainly because I know how important money is, how important quality of life is and what exactly a job could give you if you just work and work and work. I am well aware that it will bring me no where. I worked a lot of part times; I was daring enough to ask and fight for what I want. When I saw a camera fair, I would apporach the sales person and asked her to take me in. Whenever there's any MLM advertisement I would make my way to listen, to understand and try out. Unfortunately, frankly speaking, my laziness, lack of determination, easy to give up attitude are the barrier for me to be successful in any of it. Worse thing is my trip to KL made me realised how I have changed to become such a simple minded person. Well, of course simplicity has good and bad. When you are "too simple" you tend to lose your direction and you would just be blindly stuck in the rat race. Last night on the way back to Singapore I listened to a lot of old songs which reminded me of my past. Today, I have been so focused on my job that even the fire and passion in me have almost vanished. I become more serious or mature I would say? Where has my bubbly, cheerful, sporting, passionate character gone? And when I ask myself why? I actually know the answer and I realise I have to revive and make a change!

Reason being is because this job has fulfilled one of my biggest dreams which is to see the world. And I figured out that the workplace actually accumulated inferiority, insecurity and fear in me. All these months I was just so focused on passing my probation, adapting to their culture, dealing with my seniors and leading crews, dealing with my complaints and pre flight depression that I overlooked all the opportunities that by passed me. Is life just about flying? NO. Is life just about seeing the world for 2 years and back to the rat race again? NO. Can I sponsor my family to see the world as well with this job? NO. My friend told me I need to step up a little bit more to see life in a different picture. YES! That's very true. I don't want to be stagnant. I want more and I know I can achieve more! So why would I stop? Isn't the life that I want is a life with freedom, a life with choice? And why am I becoming so serious as I grow older? Why would I care how people judge me? All these while I've been learning to be a better person, a nice person but maybe the direction is not hitting the right point yet. I should set myself free and go all out to be myself and yet a person who is so attractive in terms of my confidence, my personality and great character.

Another reason is well I have to be very honest in this... because I may have been so focused on learning about God and understanding the church I spend most of my time on it and my job and that's all. I wanted to figure out what church is all about, cell group etc. Thank God when I attended a church camp last 2 nights, it make me feel... WOW it's just not complicated at all. Brothers and sisters just gather to play games, to worship setting aside all the pressures in life and just be sporting and enjoy! Praise The Lord that I've been touched at this level. Of course seeking God is the most wonderful thing in the world. But there is a lot of ways, a lot of space, it is flexible! Thank God for giving me this revelation. Because that is not just what He planned for me. He has more things for me. He doesn't want me to stop chasing my dreams. He has given me so much and He wants to me gather all the information, experiences and revelations I have gained and learned to build a stronger character. He wants me to get everything to work together to be a pure child of God. A child that He can use mightily in the marketplace, in the world. God the artist has created me the masterpiece. He provided me with different colours all sorts of colours, combinations whatever I want, whatever I need. He is the provider, the planner.. but it is me myself who decides which colour to put, how many colours and combinations to fill and how beautiful the picture is going to be... Everything lies not just within His power and wisdom, but in my hands and my faith. AMEN!

While I was listening to gospel songs, I wrote this blog, I was filled with passion and the feeling was just so amazing and strong. The power of the Holy Spirit just kept pouring upon me. My final word of the day; My future is so bright, I see the light. Jesus be with me... Hallelujah!!!

A Month Of Great Favour

It has been a fruitful month indeed. I have so many things and revelation to share that I could not fit in all in a single blog. August is a month that I like partly because it's my birthday month! Thank God for giving me a few meaningful celebrations with my sister and friends. And of course thanks for plenty of gifts from them too! Guess what I share the same birthday as Singapore's national day and end of the month would be my country's national day! A month of Festival Of Praise and a month of City Harvest Church's 20th anniversary. WOW! A month of celebrations huh? Besides that it is a month that I am going to clear my probation - a month that I'd be longing for. You know what I just came back from London and coincidentally my bestie flew there too. We get to go out together and it's our first ever oversea trip together! And my flight was really good and I got a good complex leader and the best check ever! Looks like it ends well for my last flight before I clear my P. Praise The Lord! It is a month where I get my allocated annual leave and I am able to go back to Malaysia for 1 whole week!!! Can't wait to meet my Mum, my sister, relatives and friends!!! It is surely gonna be an exciting week. Hallelujah! Isn't it a month of great favour and joy??? AMEN!

Okay, time for a short testimony. I have shared this during my cell group meeting and I guess it's only my second time sharing a testimony in a CG. This round I would say I can really feel the impact that I teared uncontrollably during my sharing. Well, have you ever wonder how beautiful God's plan is? We all did but it is never within our expectation. Things happen. Good or bad. But God will always be there to give you an answer as and when you need it. Not to mention other revelation I have gained over the past few weeks yet (will touch on this in my next blog). Just as how badly I wanted to take MC for an Indian flight on my birthday, God has stopped me from doing so. O Lord why not? I don't wanna work on my birthday on such a so-called s*cks flight; and I don't want to miss out the limelight dinner session with Pastor Kong! There and then in Delhi, I realised it all happens for a reason. First, the set of crew sang me a birthday song during PFS in the briefing room (alright that's a little weird) and IFSS bought me a cake and they celebrated for me in the crew room upon arrival to the hotel. Somehow I feel they are just being nice and bounded to do that out of IFSS's initiative. So I don't say it's something truly meaningful to me. Anyway, one day when I leave the company it will still be something quite special and worth remembering.

That night the electricity just cuts off for 1-2 mins every 30 mins??! I was a little freak out and started to imagine a lot of creepy nonsense. And problem is, it was extremely dark I could not see anything at all at that point of time. I called the Guest Services to check out what happened (well my general knowledge is pretty bad - I should have known that this is really common in India). Even their supermarkets have the same problem. The staff told me this happens regularly due to insufficient power in the country. That caught me in the heart... I suddenly put myself in their shoes and could feel how terrible it is to suffer in such condition. No lights? Imagine if it's a small village... I guess the black out will happen more frequent and last even longer. The next day, I went to have my lunch (good Indian food - yummy...); on the way back a little girl came to us begging for money. Her clothes was torned all over and she looked innocent yet weary. The crews asked me not to give her any money as it will attract others to come to me as well. But when I looked at her face and how desperate she was I discreetly gave her 15 rupees of coins I have in my purse. It was such a tiny amount - 15 rupees is equivalent to like only 50cents in Singapore. But the crew said it is more than enough for them to cover a meal. This struck me again. Before the flight, I was still in doubt of which child to sponsor through World Vision where they only have 2 choices of countries - India and Thailand for the time being. I was thinking of procrastinating the program because I wanted to get a child from South Africa instead. Yet God made all these to happen just in time. There must be a child praying to God to help her find a saviour. What I can do is just to contribute a small sum of money to her every month. But God is her true saviour! With this, God has answered her prayers and she shall be safe in the name of Jesus. AMEN!

"Romans 8:28-29 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." AMEN.

I Love My Job

Am I for real??? I am actually declaring that I love my job... that's so not me right? Let's read further before you elaborate. I guess you need to have a good idea of how my job goes about. A year ago I joined this company after being through several obstacles. From the interviews to medical check up to employment pass approval. Almost every stage was a challenge to me! Thinking back, I should appreciate what I have now more. Everything went well even during my first week in Singapore; it had been a great adventure. Meeting my Malaysian batchmates for the first time and together we explored this new place; we walked and walked, took buses, mrt, explored the shopping places, went for medical checkup, settled MOM thingy, looked for rooms and my first time to City Harvest Asian Conference with my roomie (Thanks Amanda for bringing me there). As the training began, it was just so fun. I got to know Batch 64/08 and we'd been through the ups and downs together. A lot of group work, a lot of exams, practical and something more interesting was our safety training. We jumped slide, swam and shouted evacuation command together. Then comes our graduation day where we put a lot of effort on it and it turned out to be great. :D

After started flying things were still okay initially. I was kinda excited in fact. As time goes by, with different encounters on every flight I would say this job is just so interesting that I would spend my lifetime talking about it. Yet, I often complain about my job; the culture and the people. It's all about drama-ing and one way communication. Basically there's no freedom to voice out and in order to prevent being picked on there are plenty of rules that I ought to follow. Mistakes have been done and corrected; I mean "adjusted" to the culture. Soon enough, I am trained to be a "Sorry" "Thank You" person just like almost every other crew. Throughout bad experiences, I somehow have forced myself to adapt to it. Being the humble pie is not that tough though. It's being the "extreme" humble pie that's a great challenge. Everytime before flight, I suffer from some kinda PFS, while it actually means Pre-Flight Session, I call it Pre-Flight Syndrome. The feeling of uncertainty of what kinda crew you will be flying with sucks. It's not about the passengers or flight time or destination whatsoever. In fact, this feeling adds the risk of depression and I actually have phobia flying. Crying emotionally is just so common among crew. Moreover, having to fly at weird timings and work like mad on board are really tiring. And the job actually creates hazards to my health as in my bone, my joints, my womb, my SKIN!!! These are truly demotivating.

So what's next? Do I still love my job? I would say I have to love my job and I can only say that because being positive is the only way to stay happy after all. Of course it is not that bad. Talking about the pros, it's not just about the pay (in fact I think we are still underpaid - it's such a high risk job man!). Why did I choose this job in the first place? Because I was heading nowhere and I wanna achieve my dream to see the world. I am so blessed that I get this job as it has helped me to achieve part of my dreams in my life (God is good). At least for the next phase of my life I can be more focused of achieving my other dreams! -PTL- Only 5 months of flying I've been to several countries in the world and seen a lot of wonders, seen a lot of culture and people from different walks of life. At most I only need to work for 4 sectors and when I touch down I get to enjoy the life of a tourist and sometimes as a rich tourist. As I have saved the airfare and accommodation, I only need to spend a few hundred dollars to make it to amazing scenes like the world's most beautiful flower park, snow mountain, rhine falls, Acropolis, African safari, blue mosque etc.! Imagine the lifestyle where you have your wonderful dinner by the beach, taking pictures all day long while your friends are still working hard somewhere around the world. Another fun thing is I become even more independent exploring the public transport and new places be it on my own or with the nice crews. Blessed that I have made a few good friends here too. I mean not just in SIA but in Singapore and CHC. :D

Most importantly, it's still not those travelling moments that I gained but the values and insights which money cannot buy. How much I've learnt to be a better person and how much I've grown. It's indescribable. Through this job, I realised even if you gain the whole world it's meaningless if there's no one to share your joy with you. Or if you lose your values and attitude. The bible says from Mark 8:36-37 "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?" Even if you have a million dollars in your bank account, the main thing that you need is still God, family and friends. Believe me or not, even if you don't need to pay a single cent to go to one of the world's most beautiful beaches, Maldives but you are all alone, you will still feel empty. On the contrary, you work hard and save some money to just go to Pulau Langkawi but with your loved ones, it is the pure joy that you will gain. And it is through this job that I got to know God which is the greatest blessing in my life for the only happiness that lasts forever is to seek Him and be with Him. So ask me again, do I really love my job? Well, I can't give you an accurate answer. Human beings are just so greedy and no matter what they do they will not be satisfy. They will still seek for more and seek for something different. But one person told me today "No one points a gun at me and ask me to take this job. As we have made our choice we have to fulfil the responsibility and... ENJOY it!" As God has arranged this for me, I would have to fulfil His will until He tells me to stop and move on... Amen!

Seeking My True Self

It took me quite some time to finally get my blog done. I have been wanting to write for a while but just didn't have the right mood. Talking about the title of my blog as well as this post it is just so real that life is all about seeking your ownselves. At least to me, it is all about seeking my true self; my identity, my dreams, my purpose. All these while, I had been brainstorming why exactly am I living in this world. Isn't this a cruel world? Life is just a cycle. You are borned, you grow up and go to school, then you work hard your entire life to make a living and some to become rich, you get married and raise your child and your child would go through the same routine as you do. Then you get old, fall ill and die. Worse thing is you go to hell and reincarnate to the next life. This process goes on and on and it's never ending. So why do I want to live in the first place? Why would I get married? Why do I wanna give birth to a child? Wow! Sounds a little deep huh? And never expect I would have such thought? I bet even my very close friends do not expect these from me.

Until I come to a stage where I was suffering from a huge dilemma. I could no longer depend on anyone or anything. I just feel empty. I decided to look for a breakthrough and my life starts to change. Well, I mean my mindset and values start to change slowly and they get more and more significant. I got to know plenty of people that have made an impact in my life. I talk, I share, I listen, I read, I think, I pray... to understand the logic of life; the reason and meaning behind everything. And then the greatest breakthrough fall upon me; when I finally repented and seek God. I know a lot of people would comment "Here comes Phoebe talking about God, God and God again" but it is just because they simply don't understand. I know how they feel because I've been through the same stage as they have. For more than 10 years God has been trying to save me. Yet I was skeptical and now I only wish I could have known Him earlier. Because that would make a big difference in my life and within my family...

Honestly, I don't really mean to start this blog simply because I want to boast about God. But it's because I want to share about my life which in turn could touch people's lives and reach out (that's the main objective of my site). Well, it is the real life experiences I'm talking about here. And if you notice my life is actually so strongly related to God. So He just naturally comes in my way in my daily sharing. He has given me a purpose in my life! And that is the greatest gift that I would have ever receive. It is no longer about being rich or climbing the corporate ladder in order to become successful. It is to achieve the dream of mankind; to be with God at eternity. Until today, I am still learning, still growing and in search deeper and deeper of Him and through Him I can find the real me and my true calling. One person told me before "The journey is very tough but it is by faith that we sustain." Amen.