It has been quite a dilemma lately. I have been experiencing spiritual attack over my sleep. That night I remembered... I was trying to sleep in the hotel room. Suddenly I felt as if someone was climbing up my bed and walked across my legs then slowly got next to me. I struggled to wake up and as usual each time when I am caught in this kind of situation, I just need to yell out "JESUS!!! JESUS!!!" to wake up. But that night I still felt uneasy and scared. I switched on all the lights, on my gospel playlist from my HTC Magic and began to pray in tongues for a while and of course command the devil to leave me right away! I read the bible... I was on Numbers which I found it a bit dry so I turned to Psalm 119. It was good...and I just continued reading as it was really speaking to me. When I reached Psalm 121, oh God... guess what?! God is telling me this Psalm 121: 5-8 The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever. AMEN!
Immediately I felt a great relief. God is really so so good. These few days as I attended our very first AF meeting this year and even up to this day there have been messages from God which talks about fear and insecurity. This is exactly what has been bothering me recently and God is now helping me to overcome this issue in me. In fact, I was also sharing with my boyfriend that I felt sad because I believe in His word but at the same time I still feel scared. Ain't that a conflict in me? I felt guilty and sinful but God is telling me differently and comforting me through His messages. The AF leader shared this Word of God that we must put our trust in Him and not to be afraid as well as surrendering our unbelief to Him. I realised as I believe in Him I do have some sort of unbelief in me at the same time. But all I need to do is to be very honest with God; acknowledge my unbelief and ask God to help me in that aspect. On top of that, my special friend actually highlighted to me that I am being too fearful and insecured and I must really make a change.
Yes... indeed I am not just fearful of the spiritual attack but also many other things in life. My relationship, my flights, my future and more. Besides that I noticed that as I engage myself more in my relationship I also started to lose focus in my walk with God, in realising my dreams and handling my emotions. I guess that is where fear and insecurity start to come in even deeper and deeper. My conversation with my him that night raised a question in my mind; whether I can really be a wife of his? Or even get attached? He is such a wise man, does he really need me in his life? But then again... once again God is telling me he is the one for me...Praise God! Well, I gotta share with you that today I had a quiet time with God... I was so filled with Holy Spirit that I sobbed and sobbed as I prayed to Him. I raised my question to Him... and immediately He sent someone to talk to me over this. And this is another confirmation from Him just like how He used to keep telling me to stay put with this man and we are His chosen couple. I gained a revelation that when God is stronger and stronger in you, the devil tend to attack you more. A sister also shared with me that when God's chosen couple get together it will be very powerful. That is why the devil just don't want to let this happen and that's why the couple will be put to many tests. But I will not let the devil win the battle because God in me is greater than everything else in the world!!! AMEN!
I also begin to acknowledge a lot of my weaknesses which are what I mentioned earlier i.e. fear, insecurity as well as pride, anger, impatience, negativity and more. When I don't like to accept what people comment badly about me I noticed that my self pride is too strong. As a Christian I should not only humble myself before God but I must also humble myself before man; family, leaders, friends, people regardless of their status, race and gender and more importantly to humble myself before my husband. Anger, impatience and negativity are all the emotions that I must learn to handle well. God shows us mercy and is slow to anger and I want to be just like Him. Negativity will drag people down and this is definitely not my purpose in life. I shall lift people up and not drag people down! One last thing is this verse that I should meditate on Matthew 16: 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. Amen. So why do I have so little faith? Why am I always feeling insecured? As long as we have done our part, we shall enter God's rest. Leave everything else to Him and we will definitely see light.
Yes... indeed I am not just fearful of the spiritual attack but also many other things in life. My relationship, my flights, my future and more. Besides that I noticed that as I engage myself more in my relationship I also started to lose focus in my walk with God, in realising my dreams and handling my emotions. I guess that is where fear and insecurity start to come in even deeper and deeper. My conversation with my him that night raised a question in my mind; whether I can really be a wife of his? Or even get attached? He is such a wise man, does he really need me in his life? But then again... once again God is telling me he is the one for me...Praise God! Well, I gotta share with you that today I had a quiet time with God... I was so filled with Holy Spirit that I sobbed and sobbed as I prayed to Him. I raised my question to Him... and immediately He sent someone to talk to me over this. And this is another confirmation from Him just like how He used to keep telling me to stay put with this man and we are His chosen couple. I gained a revelation that when God is stronger and stronger in you, the devil tend to attack you more. A sister also shared with me that when God's chosen couple get together it will be very powerful. That is why the devil just don't want to let this happen and that's why the couple will be put to many tests. But I will not let the devil win the battle because God in me is greater than everything else in the world!!! AMEN!
I also begin to acknowledge a lot of my weaknesses which are what I mentioned earlier i.e. fear, insecurity as well as pride, anger, impatience, negativity and more. When I don't like to accept what people comment badly about me I noticed that my self pride is too strong. As a Christian I should not only humble myself before God but I must also humble myself before man; family, leaders, friends, people regardless of their status, race and gender and more importantly to humble myself before my husband. Anger, impatience and negativity are all the emotions that I must learn to handle well. God shows us mercy and is slow to anger and I want to be just like Him. Negativity will drag people down and this is definitely not my purpose in life. I shall lift people up and not drag people down! One last thing is this verse that I should meditate on Matthew 16: 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. Amen. So why do I have so little faith? Why am I always feeling insecured? As long as we have done our part, we shall enter God's rest. Leave everything else to Him and we will definitely see light.
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