Overcoming My Fear & Insecurity

It has been quite a dilemma lately. I have been experiencing spiritual attack over my sleep. That night I remembered... I was trying to sleep in the hotel room. Suddenly I felt as if someone was climbing up my bed and walked across my legs then slowly got next to me. I struggled to wake up and as usual each time when I am caught in this kind of situation, I just need to yell out "JESUS!!! JESUS!!!" to wake up. But that night I still felt uneasy and scared. I switched on all the lights, on my gospel playlist from my HTC Magic and began to pray in tongues for a while and of course command the devil to leave me right away! I read the bible... I was on Numbers which I found it a bit dry so I turned to Psalm 119. It was good...and I just continued reading as it was really speaking to me. When I reached Psalm 121, oh God... guess what?! God is telling me this Psalm 121: 5-8 The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever. AMEN!

Immediately I felt a great relief. God is really so so good. These few days as I attended our very first AF meeting this year and even up to this day there have been messages from God which talks about fear and insecurity. This is exactly what has been bothering me recently and God is now helping me to overcome this issue in me. In fact, I was also sharing with my boyfriend that I felt sad because I believe in His word but at the same time I still feel scared. Ain't that a conflict in me? I felt guilty and sinful but God is telling me differently and comforting me through His messages. The AF leader shared this Word of God that we must put our trust in Him and not to be afraid as well as surrendering our unbelief to Him. I realised as I believe in Him I do have some sort of unbelief in me at the same time. But all I need to do is to be very honest with God; acknowledge my unbelief and ask God to help me in that aspect. On top of that, my special friend actually highlighted to me that I am being too fearful and insecured and I must really make a change.

Yes... indeed I am not just fearful of the spiritual attack but also many other things in life. My relationship, my flights, my future and more. Besides that I noticed that as I engage myself more in my relationship I also started to lose focus in my walk with God, in realising my dreams and handling my emotions. I guess that is where fear and insecurity start to come in even deeper and deeper. My conversation with my him that night raised a question in my mind; whether I can really be a wife of his? Or even get attached? He is such a wise man, does he really need me in his life? But then again... once again God is telling me he is the one for me...Praise God! Well, I gotta share with you that today I had a quiet time with God... I was so filled with Holy Spirit that I sobbed and sobbed as I prayed to Him. I raised my question to Him... and immediately He sent someone to talk to me over this. And this is another confirmation from Him just like how He used to keep telling me to stay put with this man and we are His chosen couple. I gained a revelation that when God is stronger and stronger in you, the devil tend to attack you more. A sister also shared with me that when God's chosen couple get together it will be very powerful. That is why the devil just don't want to let this happen and that's why the couple will be put to many tests. But I will not let the devil win the battle because God in me is greater than everything else in the world!!! AMEN!

I also begin to acknowledge a lot of my weaknesses which are what I mentioned earlier i.e. fear, insecurity as well as pride, anger, impatience, negativity and more. When I don't like to accept what people comment badly about me I noticed that my self pride is too strong. As a Christian I should not only humble myself before God but I must also humble myself before man; family, leaders, friends, people regardless of their status, race and gender and more importantly to humble myself before my husband. Anger, impatience and negativity are all the emotions that I must learn to handle well. God shows us mercy and is slow to anger and I want to be just like Him. Negativity will drag people down and this is definitely not my purpose in life. I shall lift people up and not drag people down! One last thing is this verse that I should meditate on Matthew 16: 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. Amen. So why do I have so little faith? Why am I always feeling insecured? As long as we have done our part, we shall enter God's rest. Leave everything else to Him and we will definitely see light.

The Stories Continued

As promised, I am gonna continue the next 2 stories in this blog. Truly hope that they will somehow inspire you. Let's not drag anymore and there you go...

There was a water bearer he had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house. The cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path. "Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure. The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

To me the water bearer acted so much like God. Living a righteous life and loving and accepting things as who they are. In fact God created each and everyone of us so uniquely. We have our very own gifts. It is not comparable between each other. But one thing for sure is that we all have flaws. But God loves us regardless of our flaws. He makes good use of our strengths as well as our weaknesses in different areas of our life. Therefore, we should not be ashamed of our flaws and feel discouraged or even feel envious over others' strengths. As long as we are able to acknowledge our weaknesses and make good use of them even the tiniest flaw can be turned to a strong point; and able to shine for Him. Bear in mind that He made us this way for a purpose. And sometimes of course if He finds that the particular flaw is against His will, He would need us to make a change. And that's how He builds us since the day we were borned. So let's start to love ourselves and others for who we are and look for the good in them. Amen.

The last story is just a simple one. Once a King told his General, "Ride this horse and go to any land that you want and capable of; and when you return I shall give you all the lands that you have covered." The General was delighted; he rode a horse to all the lands that he wanted to possess and he just kept going and going, wanting more and more. He did not rest at all because he wanted to cover as much land as he could. Before dawn the horse started to feel so tired that it could not run anymore but the General insisted to continue. Alas the horse collapse and died of exhaustion. The General was then all alone walking across the land. He sustained for a while and eventually died of exhaustion as well. When the people found his body they buried him in an isolated graveyard with a usual small tomb similar to other deceased's. This story tells us very much about the world we are living in. Most of the time we are so focused to achieve success and making a fortune we tend to neglect the people we love. In fact we forget to love the people and things around us and sometimes we also forget to love and pamper ourselves. Just like how the General only wanted to obtain the lands that he was desperate for, he forgot to love his horse and caused it to die. He also forgot to love himself and he didn't know that after all the hard work he ended up having no time to enjoy what he had gained. And when he died, people did not really remember or respect him.

The Word of God said that we could not bring with us money and possessions in this life when we die. This also reminds me of a message shared by an awesome sister Teresa saying "Prestige and possessions do not even last a lifetime what more for eternity?" Above all, when you add together the 3 stories I have shared, it comes to a similar point that is God loves us unconditionally; He sent His son to sacrifice for us, He makes good use of our strengths and flaws and in His eyes we are still His beloved child eventhough we are mere sinners, lastly He loves us and He teaches us to love others as we love ourselves. He gave us a place at eternity because of love and that is the most important thing that we need; not money, power or fame. Through His love, we love and we are loved. Amen.

Special thanks to Rachel for sharing the second story and Nicholas for sharing the third story. :D

The Story Of 3 Stories

As what the title says I am gonna share with you guys three stories that inspire me and touch my heart recently. Firstly, I apologize if this is a lengthy blog. If you do look at my Facebook updates you should have known I spent my last two weeks fruitfully and joyfully! Praise The Lord! I had a great flight to Manchester - had a very nice complex leader on board, a good working position and got to know 2 new nice friends! As I have mentioned in my previous blog I really had an awesome New Year count down with Jesus and the set of crew. Last week, despite the delay due to snowing in Manchester, thank God I managed to make it on time for my KL flight. After so many years, this holiday in Genting gave me a different kind of encounter and feeling once again. I did not visit the Theme Park but I was indeed happy to see people from all walks of life gather and have fun at this small little mountain. Like I've always said a budget trip can be much more fun as long as you get to enjoy it with people you treasure. There you see small families, tour groups, couples; of different races, different states in the country and even from different countries. A peaceful and harmonious nation is always the best! Just hope that everyone realises that...

I went to play the pool - Wow! I think I start to master the basic skills! I went to sing KTV with my beloved - Well, I never sing KTV with 1 person alone before and it was real fun that I did not need to keep screaming in the room and book the mic from time to time! I watched a movie on cinema entitled Bodyguards & Assassins - You gotta watch it man! It is so meaningful with great action and casting based on a true story. And that's the first story I am going to share today. It is about how people in China joined the evolution to fight for democracy over the ruling of Dynasty Qing. A few characters were featured and each has their personal life stories - a man was haunted with his past sins he chose to torture himself everyday just to make himself feel better; a hardcore gambler only started to appreciate his loved ones after years of merry-go-round; a daughter whom never understood her father but only blame him for not providing her sufficient love and needs ended up in guilt and pain when his corpse was lying right in front of her; an innocent man who just long for a simple life not knowing what is the real purpose of fighting; a businessman whom always help the people with money discreetly but yet insisted not to get involved because he wanted to protect his family and businesses; a rich young man whom have everything in the world finally understood the meaning of life and death; a man whom just work towards his goal of the evolution his entire life; and others. They all in the end stood up to fight and die together for peace and harmony in the nation, for one hope, one goal.

The characters truly reflect the various types of people in the world be it the world long ago or the current world. As I watched this show I was thinking how good if they already knew God at that time like how you and I know God now. Their sins will be forgiven, they will not just be chasing after power, money and fame, they will gain peace and joy. Everything will be so different. As shown in the movie, Sun Yat Sen was very sad to see the death of his people but he said "For the people, peace and freedom, require sacrifices and the sacrifices of blood". This reminded me once again how God loves us that He sent His only begotten son to make this sacrifice; sacrifice of blood for us. If only we could realise this and acknowledge His love for us. Sadly, most of the time we forget how our freedom and lives were exchanged. Just like we often forget how people sacrificed for people we also forget how Jesus sacrificed for us. And that could be the worst thing in life. So the story here is to renew our minds once again... to appreciate our good lives that have been exchanged by Jesus on the cross, acknowledge Him and bring glory to Him. Amen? AMen!!!

The second story was actually shared by my church sister Rachel during our Aircrew Fellowship camp. I used to read that story when I was very young but just not as inspired as now. Hmm.. you must be curious right? Well, I guess I shall continue the other 2 stories in my next blog as I don't want my readers to get a headache reading! Before I say goodbye I gotta share the Word of God for today - John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Hallelujah!

New Year Resolutions

Happy New Year my fellow readers!!! 2009 has passed; 2010 has begun... Wow! Time is really flying. This year is my second year celebrating New Year with SIA. It is kind of a different celebration which I think it's truly worth remembering even when I grow old. I counted down in my hotel room according to Malaysia/Singapore time with Jesus in my prayers. Prayers for a better year ahead, blessings to come upon myself, my beloved and both families, gratitude to God for what He had done for me during the previous year and continuous spiritual growth. AMEN! Within the same date (being in a different country with different time zone) I counted down with my set of crew in the crew room in Manchester! We had drinks, music, chit-chat sessions and we played games like Who's Who? and Scrabble! Wow.. I'm so proud of myself having to brainstorm at that hour! Followed by a toast for the new year and watched fireworks from the window... Thank God for sending me 3 new friends and a great set of crew whom had made my trip here so memorable! :D

A lot of people may just clubbed through the night, call it a night and get a hangover the next day. But I always prefer to choose something different and meaningful and with God, He had made it possible and all things are just so awesome! As far as we are to enjoy ourselves to the max for this day, it is also time to reflect what we have done for the past year and what is our resolution for this year. Thinking back a year ago I noticed I have massive changes in terms of my mindset, attitude and spiritual growth. Praise The Lord! But of course there are plenty of things that I know I can do better. It is mainly on confessing and repenting of my sins!!! To identify what I have done wrong and correct my mistake. Well, I realised I have done pretty good in a lot of aspects but still have to deal more wisely in managing my anger, fear, insecurity, friendships, my contributions in serving the Lord etc. Pray that He will give me wisdom and light from time to time...

I would now declare my resolutions for 2010... okay it's indeed a long list! The basic things are always to manage my finances and health better. Finances as in clearing my debt, increasing my savings, to provide more for my family and look for new opportunities. Besides that, in terms of my career, I have to master the coming JCL training, SEP and continue to perform my best on board and hopefully to reach out to more people in various parts of the world. Health as in continue to work on the healing of my skin, my spine,... Most importantly is my spiritual growth as in how I manage my time to serve Him more - to be more committed and contribute more to the Church, cell group as well as the community. To learn more about prayers, complete the bible, fellowship, write more blogs and carry myself better! I shall also be focused on building a fund... which is going to help in my mission fields in the future. Pray that my determination and effort will never go off and I will definitely achieve all these!!! Not to be missed out, to continue to work on my relationship, my family bondage and enjoy life!

Above all, I shall end this blog by joyfully receiving the great year 2010 once again! I shall continue to shine for Him, be a joy giver, focus on our vision and fulfil my calling according to His will and purpose for me... AMEN!