WOW! It's been more than 1 month since my last blog being published. February was a tight month. I gained plenty of experiences but if you ask me to share with you here I could not really recall all of them. Seems like my memory is deteriorating with time but I realised that being forgetful at times can be good too. You feel less tensed 'cause your brain is not overstuffed and keep working non stop. :D Anyway, I definitely have grown stronger and wiser than before! Hallelujah! More blogs are to come because I have plenty of things to share on the revelation and understanding that I gained for the past month. But today I just feel like sharing about my feelings on my skin... It has been troubling me for a while and I know that a lot of people are experiencing the same thing as I do and some can be worse.
Eversince I started flying my skin started to break out. It began from my forehead and then spreaded to my entire face. Some people said it was due to stress. Indeed I was feeling really stressed during my first few months of flying career. Meeting different kinds of weird people sometimes bad people, with the stress of getting your work done in the proper way in not just my own judgement but also in the eyes of many people on board add on to the different weather and time zones in various countries that I fly to. The different timing of my meals, the kind of food that I eat be it aircraft food or outstation food, weird sleeping patterns, cabin pressure, flying here and there all the time. My lifestyle seems to have messed up. I put in a lot of effort to treat my skin eg. seeing a few doctors, trying a few products, facial, spa, Chinese medicine, Western medicine.. I also make sure I have enough rest, eat more healthily, let go of my stress, praying everyday etc. I did recover.. but on and off it comes develop again. A lot of effort has been put and a lot of money has been wasted. And I found out that the main reason is still... flying.
Having this problem makes me feel so demotivated all the time especially in my job. In fact I cried a lot of times due to that. It comes to a point that when people talk to me I am not sure if they are looking at me or are they looking at my skin. It comes to a point that when a stranger look at me is it because they are interested or are they just looking at my skin? I feel bad when I see their eyes looking at my breakouts. I feel even worse when they ask me what is going on with my skin. Then they start to recommend this doctor that doctor, this facial that facial. Worst part is when I meet those "bad" people, they start to give a lot of negative feedbacks and even threatening me that I shall be grounded. I remember there was once an IFS said to me that , "You shouldn't be flying with this skin condition, you will scare the passengers away." WOw! That was hurt! It also comes to a point that I always feel so low in confidence that I don't even dare to look at people face to face even to people very close to me. I don't even have the courage to tell people what am I working as. Guys you may not understand how I truly feel but I guess gals you will tend to stand in my shoes right now imagining how I feel.
Not jus that when I go to very cold countries, my skin tend to be more serious. I sometimes don't even dare to go out first is because I am afraid the weather will make my skin worse and second reason is because I don't feel like letting crews see my skin especially if I were to go out bare face. I start to feel really envious on other people's smooth and clear skin. At the same time I feel really pity those who have the same problem or even worse. I tend to have this habit of acknowledging my problem before people notice it and ask me about it. Because that would at least make me feel better and have the preparation of listening to a lot of comments on my skin. Though some of my friends comfort me by asking me not to care what other people think of me. But can I really do it? I mean can you really do it if you were me? Sometimes it's not about what other people think but it's actually my very own concern on my skin and outlook. It truly affects me a lot to the point that I just wanted to quit flying right now!
It is a tough decision to make as this is my rice bowl for this period of time but yet I know this is the way to really let my skin recover fully. Which do I choose? My skin or my job? Sharing with my close ones about this problem doesn't seem to work anyway. I know that this is not the time to quit yet and so I must get rid of this negative feeling that the devil has been trying to plant in me all the time. Because I actually know the reason behind the breakout it makes my situation better right? The solution is already there; it is just a matter of the perfect timing. So to speak at this moment I gotta look for the good in every circumstance as God has said in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Looking at the bright side, I actually can now write a good article to sell an acne product online. It is not just a test of faith but also a test in my relationship; how true love can withhold no matter how you look on the outside or perhaps if you are having some kind of sickness?
I gotta accept myself and love myself as who I am and not how I look. For in God's eyes, we are all beautiful. He is more concern of our character than our outlook. It is no doubt very challenging but I just want to encourage all who have this problem to not give up and continue to pray for healing. And it also means that we should not be focusing on the healing but the Healer itself which is God our Jehovah Rapha. I am still working on this and I know it is possible. My gal friend once told me if she were me she would have committed suicide! A bit of an exaggeration but it shows that I am actually pretty strong in dealing with this situation. Well, is that a compliment? Haha you bet! The reason I write this blog is not just to vent out my feelings to the world but also to keep reminding myself and you that God is our Healer and as we pray and claim the healing, we are healed in Jesus name. Amen.
It is a tough decision to make as this is my rice bowl for this period of time but yet I know this is the way to really let my skin recover fully. Which do I choose? My skin or my job? Sharing with my close ones about this problem doesn't seem to work anyway. I know that this is not the time to quit yet and so I must get rid of this negative feeling that the devil has been trying to plant in me all the time. Because I actually know the reason behind the breakout it makes my situation better right? The solution is already there; it is just a matter of the perfect timing. So to speak at this moment I gotta look for the good in every circumstance as God has said in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Looking at the bright side, I actually can now write a good article to sell an acne product online. It is not just a test of faith but also a test in my relationship; how true love can withhold no matter how you look on the outside or perhaps if you are having some kind of sickness?
I gotta accept myself and love myself as who I am and not how I look. For in God's eyes, we are all beautiful. He is more concern of our character than our outlook. It is no doubt very challenging but I just want to encourage all who have this problem to not give up and continue to pray for healing. And it also means that we should not be focusing on the healing but the Healer itself which is God our Jehovah Rapha. I am still working on this and I know it is possible. My gal friend once told me if she were me she would have committed suicide! A bit of an exaggeration but it shows that I am actually pretty strong in dealing with this situation. Well, is that a compliment? Haha you bet! The reason I write this blog is not just to vent out my feelings to the world but also to keep reminding myself and you that God is our Healer and as we pray and claim the healing, we are healed in Jesus name. Amen.
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